How The Other Half Live
by SuperRainbowMuffin
Summary: This just wasn't John's day. [genderbender] [Chapter 2 up]
1. Chapter 1

**How The Other Half Live.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. But if i did John and Elizabeth would be together, Ford would still be on our side and my best friend would marry Rodney McKay :D

**Rating:** K+

**Author:** SuperRainbowMuffin

**Part:** 1/?

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This just wasn't John's day.

He sat on a bed in the infirmary, mulling over the events that took place that day.

_-Flashback-_

_It was just an ordinary uninhabited planet. There were no signs of any recent wraith culling's. No hostile villages to deal with. Just a calm, peaceful planet._

_"This world is truly beautiful" Teyla smiled as a cool breeze blew in from the north. Much to Ronon and Rodney's dismay, Teyla was a flower person. And there were many flowers on this well vegetated planet; they grew wildly amongst the trees in the meadow they were traipsing through. –She had wanted to stop and admire their beauty, only to be physically picked up by Ronon who threw her over his shoulder until she convinced him she could walk by herself._

_Suddenly Rodney sneezed, "oh perfect" he said as he pulled a tissue out of his pocket. "Could this day get any worse?" He mentally cursed his allergies to pollen as they continued to walk on through the meadow._

_"Don't worry McKay, we'll be leaving soon. There doesn't look like there's anything worth checking out here" Sheppard assured him._

-Infirmary-

If only that had been true, John sighed and looked at his team-mates. They were sitting at the other end of the infirmary; it was like he had caught some horribly contagious disease. He almost wished that he had, anything would be better than this.

_-Flashback-_

_"Ok, this definitely turns…whatever it is- on" Rodney said, his hand hovering over the so-called 'on- switch'._

_"I don't know McKay. Do you even know what it does?" John asked._

_"Well we'll find out won't we" Rodney said back, "As soon as we turn it on". He turned what looked like a dial and pressed it into the wall._

_There was a sound, like something was charging up. In the place of the dial was a light that got brighter and brighter. It took John only a moment to realize what it was a quickly pushed Rodney out of the way, taking the blow himself. The hit from the beam knocked him back against the opposite wall._

_"Colonel Sheppard!" Teyla cried and ran to his aid, but stepped back when she noticed he was…glowing? only a second later his entire body was engulfed in a blinding light that filled the entire cave. It took about a minute for the light to dissipate. And when it did, the three conscious members of the team got a look at John._

_"Oh my god!"_

_"Whoa"._

_"By the ancestors!"  
_

-Infirmary-

John watched as Elizabeth Weir entered the infirmary, an amused look gracing her features as her eyes landed on John.

"Colonel Sheppard" Elizabeth greeted, "How are you feeling?"

_Was she kidding?_ He crossed his arms over his chest and muttered, "fine". Though clearly he wasn't.

_-flashback-_

_As John woke, he could tell in an instant that something wasn't right. His team was standing around him, Teyla with a worried look on her face. Ronon with a bemused expression on his. And Rodney…Rodney was grinning like an idiot._

_"What happened?" John said groggily. 'Whoa' he thought, 'that didn't sound quite right'._

_"Colonel, I would advise you to stay lying down" Teyla said, placing her jacket under his head for support._

_"Why? What's going on?" John asked. Teyla only used that tone when he was in trouble, or when something was seriously wrong. The Colonel slowly sat up and looked down at his body. 'Oh no' he thought.  
It took a moment for his brain to process this new image…but when it did, "Oh my god!" he screamed, "I'm a woman!"_

-infirmary-

"Well, Sheppard" McKay sighed, a smile still plastered on his face "…at least you're pretty".

No. This definitely wasn't John's day.

**End.**

A/N: It may take me a while to upload chapter two because i have exams very soon :) Thank you for reading! Please review :)


	2. Chapter 2

**How The Other Half Live.**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. I'm just borrowing them for a few minutes, don't worry, I won't keep them out past 10.

**Rating:** K+

**Author:** SuperRainbowMuffin

**Part:** 2/?

**A/N:** I didn't use a beta, any mistakes are my own. Sorry it's taken so long to get this shiny new chapter up, I don't think it will take me as long to upload chapter three. Enjoy!

**Chapter 2.**

"Do I have to leave?"

Those were the five words that Dr. Beckett was certain he would never hear from the Atlantis Military commander. And yet he was wrong.

Colonel Sheppard had been cooped up in the infirmary for just over two days now. He had been fussy and uncooperative since he'd come back from M76-G57. And now when Carson had finally cleared him to leave, he didn't want to.

"Please, Carson, I will never ask you for anything else ever again, just don't make me go out there" The Colonel pleaded.

To say Carson was amused by this was an understatement, "There's no medical reason to keep you here, Colonel," the good Doctor said with a smile on his lips.

"Apart from the fact I'm a woman?" Sheppard said, a little more loudly than necessary, making a few of the nurse's stare.

"Aye, Lad. And as a woman, you're perfectly healthy" Carson assured him.

John just scowled at him and jumped off of the infirmary bed. "Fine" he said, giving Carson a 'You're lucky I don't have my nine-mil with me' look, and pulling his jacket over his shoulders in a very masculine fashion, then began walking away.

"Oh, Colonel!" Carson stopped him. "There's one more thing I have to discuss with you before you go".

"What?" John snapped and turned to face the Doctor.

"Well, ah. I don't know how to tell this to ye' Lad. But, there's a certain thing that happens to a woman once a month that you should be aware of" Carson said cautiously.

The expression on John's face was the picture of shock and horror as realization dawned on him. "No way".

Carson gave him an amused smile, "I wouldn't concern yourself, son. Rodney and Zelenka should have this all worked out by the time that happens".

"And-…and what if they don't?" Sheppard stuttered, pulling at his jacket nervously.

"Just come to me and we'll get ye' sorted out" Carson nodded, and disappeared into his office. Leaving the Colonel standing in the infirmary, still with the same look of horror on his face.

**TBC**

Thankyou for reading, please review. )


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